June 21, 2016
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Sometimes we do not like certain things about ourselves. We judge. We say un-loving words and sentences out loud or in our head and then start feeling bad about ourselves. The problem with this behavior runs deeper than the apparent rejection of a single action or trait. The problem is the act of rejection itself. NO MATTER HOW SMALL OR FOR WHAT (yes caps is necessary). When we reject ourselves we create a cage for ourselves. We put up an invisible wall. We are locking away part of us and through that process we are impeding the natural flow of life. A natural process where events and emotions are coming and going. By judging we are resisting. The action or trait we criticize is solidified – we actually strengthen it by rejecting it, by putting energy and focus into it.
I suggest that instead we begin to find unique ways to accept what happened and move on, let it dissolve and allow for learning to happen. Effortlessly. When we watch our behaviour and start noticing certain things from a place of observation and acceptance the results can be amazing.
There is another dimension to it: it never feels good when we are rejecting or criticizing ourselves. It hampers our ability to feel good as we are and as the next step: to go out into the world and give what we have to offer. If we are constantly busy criticizing ourselves we have no resources to allocate to doing something loving and useful for others. On the other hand when we are loving with ourselves we can let this love extend out to others. Doing good becomes natural and an extention of who we are. If you put color into a bowl of water then it will take on that color. The bowl is the world and the color is us. Let us appreciate the beauty of that color and keep it strong. How we feel about ourselves affects SO many people, we can not even imagine. This is our responsibility.
What can we do?
As I stated in the beginning it is small things that affect the way we feel about ourselves. Tiny steps! Realizing moments of where self-acceptance is lacking and then giving it graciously, receiving it gracefully:
- Find a phrase you like and then start using it day in day out. Use it often.
“Yes, I have made a mistake. I still love you.”
“Yeah, you have this or that flaw… and that’s just fine.”
Acknowledge what has happened and then express acceptance towards yourself regardless.
- Hug yourself if you want – anything to express that self-love to yourself. Expressing it physically is powerful. Another thing I like doing is touching my chest where my heart is and just making a few small circles with the palm of my hand. Small expressions of love are powerful.
- Start writing a success-diary – Get a little notebook and every evening, write down 5 things you did well that day. Write in sentences or just list the tasks and accomplishments you feel good about. This is a great little habit. Just five things you did good or that you managed to do that day. Even if it is a small thing you can feel good about it. Keep focusing on the positive.
- Right now. Write down 10 things you love about yourself or things you have accomplished in your life so far that you are proud of. Get a piece of paper and do it. Paper is stronger than digital. It only takes a few minutes and it really helps. Then evaluate how difficult it was for you to do that exercise – Did you get 10? Was it hard? If so it might be important to repeat this exercise some time later to keep putting your focus on the positive.
Okay..Once you give yourself some love: can you actually allow it? How does it feel to receive self-acceptance or self-love from yourself? Really feel deeply inside and ask yourself: “Can I allow that self-love? What would happen if I accepted myself completely, as I am right now?” Imagine how your life would be in a year from now if you loved yourself more.
Give yourself as much love as you think you deserve in any moment – plus a little extra. Keep increasing the dose constantly. The more accepting and loving you grow of yourself – no matter what you do or what happens, no matter how other people treat you – the happier you will become. You will also notice yourself becoming increasingly loving and accepting of others. Have a beautiful day full of little opportunities for loving yourself!
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