Ean Weichselbaum

~Transcendence~

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Setting A Powerful Intention

Audio Version

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Ahoy! For a moment imagine the following: You are aboard a ship sailing the ocean. The brightness and warmth of the sun, the water moving the ship from side to side, waves crashing loudly against the bow of the ship and the smell and taste of sea water. You are the captain – your conscious mind. Your subconscious mind, the feeling mind is your first mate. Your body and mind, from moment to moment expressing in your thoughts, words and actions are the sailors, the sails, the rudders, the ship itself.

Now with no course set this ship is just drifting, getting carried along by the wind and currents – wherever these forces take it. This can also be interesting. Yet if there is a certain harbor we would like to reach in our life then it is good to have maximum clarity about everything concerning our goal. If we are not clear about what we want then we might run into any harbor: we might not even know the difference! If the captain does not know where the ship is going, how should the crew? So knowing this imagine you choose a proper destination and then plot a course. Then you go to your first mate and casually tell him. The first mate forwards your orders and takes care of the details. If there is a gross course correction you have to tell him, but overall he knows where you are heading and he can work on his own. And he does! Even when the course you have communicated to him is actually not satisfying to you! Many captains do not really communicate properly with their first mate: in a focused way and with a clear intention, so he can understand what you want. This is the reason their first mate is confused. He does not know how to set the proper course, this is your job. Doing his best he only knows how to execute. Vague orders lead to a vague execution, leading you into a harbour you might not want to be in.

Let us assume the chain of command is working flawlessly. I agree, there can be situations where we are really trying to reach a certain goal and we are stuck with subconscious programming that points in a different direction – that actually associates pain and negativity with what we want to create – for whatever reason or past experience. Even in this case I suggest to keep clarifying and communicating your goal and to simply allow for change and dissolution of those past patterns and emotions by accepting them and the impact they have had on your life until now.

So…would you agree that for the captain it is useful to know the destination when he embarks on a voyage? Okay. Would you also agree that it is important to vividly and clearly tell the first mate about this goal, so he can take care of getting the right orders executed and for the ship to arrive at the target harbour? Let me show you a beautiful and really effective way to do just that in your own life!

Have a ritual. A ritual is a predetermined little process that you do at a certain time and for a certain purpose. As you do it regularly it becomes a habit. The subconscious mind loves habits. It understands them. This is a little similar  to the NLP-concept of anchors. I will not go into depth on why this works as well as it does and simply explain the ritual to you. I originally got this from a guy called Burt Goldman, who is an amazing, now 88 year old hypnotherapist (as well as painter and photographer) from the United States. Here you can see a video where he explains this technique, he calls “The Bagha”. Now let us get into the technique itself (which takes about 3 minutes to execute):

When in a situation where you feel the need for change and to set a strong intention of what it is that you want do the following. If you are listening to the audio version of this article (you can find the link at the bottom of this page) just follow along with my voice:

  1. Take three deep and conscious breaths. Allow your body to breathe out on its own and feel the relaxation which is arising as you let go. Close your eyes at the same time as you let your third breath.
  2. Touch the upper part of your palate (gums) with the tip of your tongue, right where there is a little slope. Find a spot that feels good to you and: Always use that same spot!
  3. Begin to imagine the goal or most-optimal outcome in your mind as a present situation (like it has already happened). How do you know you have succeeded? By seeing, hearing, feeling, saying what? Take a few minutes to really do this so you can get a feel for it or until you reach clarity and it sounds just right to you. It might not be easy at first and some distracting thoughts might pop up. This is alright. If you can hold the image or get a distinct feel for your desired outcome for just a second or two it is fine!
  4. Relax your tongue and open your eyes. Smile… Done! You just programmed your <RAS>.

What does this do?

  • As this ritual becomes a habit you easily and quickly go into a more relaxed state of mind whenever you need to and transmit an intention to your subconscious – which is receptive and open to your input when you are relaxed. Closing your eyes is important as it facilitates entering an alpha state (a pleasant state of light relaxation and calm concentration). You can do this any time during the day and in almost any situation!
  • You get in the habit of purposeful thinking: “What do I want out of this situation?” It is very powerful to know exactly what it is that you want. Most people do not.
  • You course-correct and let go of the past. You will realize that often you might have anticipated a negative outcome (because in the past this situation might have been challenging). Now you can change that and meet the moment with renewed strength and a clear intention ready for a different outcome.
  • As a pleasant side effect you will dissolve stress by relaxing and breathing for a few moments during your day.

So remember: If you start using this regularly before long you will see results that are going to completely amaze you. Believe me. It has been like this for me. Try it out for yourself and have an amazing day (full of seafaring meddafors metaphors).

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Stop Set Relax

Audio Version

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Today I want to introduce you to a technique I use to find solutions and ideas when under pressure. Do you know times when you are stuck with a problem or situation you are trying to (re)solve and no ideas are showing up? Nothing is happening. You strain and try, maybe you even have a deadline ahead of you. Still nothing. Arghh! Want to have a very potent strategy which takes you out of tension and blockage into a space of lightness and creativity during the blink of an eye while being astonishingly reliable? (The initial process takes about 15 minutes – as you practice you will get much quicker and be able to make the switch in a matter of minutes when you need to). Sounds good? Get on board then!

Four simple steps:

  1. Stop whatever you are doing. Change. Seperate. If you are sitting, get up! If you are standing – go somewhere else. Move! Walk! Stretch! Move your body. Do something different. Take 2-3 minutes for this. When done with this you should feel different than before.
  2. Set your intention. Sit down or find a comfortable and safe position. Take a deep breath. Close your eyes and look up (I have found this to increase the effect of visualization). Visualize your outcome as if already met. You finished your work. Your project is completed. You have met the deadline. Your problem has resolved in the best possible way. How do you know that your solution is met in the most optimal way? Visualize that! Go for anything: visuals, feelings, sounds or something you or someone else says. Something you smell, touch, taste. Anything that lets you know for sure that you have succeeded. Clarity is power. (For example you are in the office on a Saturday evening and have something to finish. It is already late and you are tired. You feel like your weekend might suffer, yet you feel stuck. A goal visualization could be that you are driving home in your car with an open window, feeling the fresh air and smiling because you have succeeded in finishing your project in time. You look at your watch and the evening is still young. You hear your car’s engine humming relaxingly and victoriously. You say to yourself: “Yepp. That’s how it’s done.”) For even more effect <use the Bagha>. Take about 2-3 minutes maximum. Make it succinct and focused. Practice makes perfect.
  3. Relax. Pat yourself on the shoulder. Go for a little walk, pick up something to play with (like a small ball, a pen). Sit down and breathe. Take a few conscious breaths. Just relax and forget about your problem. Yes, I know you want to solve this. This is counter-intuitive. Ideas and solutions come best to a relaxed and open mind. The more relaxed you are the more your mind opens up and the more your mind opens up the more relaxed you become. Find out for yourself…
    You cannot force ideas to come to you. It’s like dealing with cats. You need to give them room to breathe. Give yourself at least 9 minutes for this. No straining in these 9 minutes. No working. No excessive thinking. Relaxed musing and playing is allowed yet it is best to let go of the problem as good as you can. You can listne to some music if you want, and if this helps you to relax. Find something else to occupy your attention with. Let go of even the want to solve the problem at all. Use your body. Feel your body. Get immersed in something relaxing and fun, something simple. Remember back in school when you used to doodle on a piece of paper or when you played with your pen? Forget your problem. Forget yourself. Be empty and open.

99 out of 100 times this works for me (seriously it’s that amazing). Keep refining and practicing the steps and you will find yourself getting more and more creative and productive each time you go through your process and open that space for amazing ideas to show up. You will also notice yourself becoming more effective and efficient as you use this often so making a powerful switch to this creative space takes only a few minutes and gets more and more reliable with each time you do it. Have a great day full of inspiration!

Strong Determination

Audio Version

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In Vipassana meditation there is a term called Adhiṭṭhāna. It means “strong determination” or “resolve“. When you sit with strong determination you don’t move at all. You keep your eyes closed, you leave your hands and feet where they are. You do not get up. Usually for the period of one hour. What is more important than the circumstances though is what is happening on the inside. After some sitting you get an itch here. Then a small pain starts there. Agitation arises. Irritation. Then comes a bigger itch and a bigger pain. The mind starts racing like a race car: “Just move a little bit, it does not count if you move just a little bit.” Yes it does. This is where it gets crucial. If you really are sitting with strong determination then you are clear about one thing. You are not going to move. You are finishing this hour. Sure, if the building breaks down you may not. If you really have to sneeze you cannot stop it. But regarding everything within your own power you will sit and do nothing but sitting with your whole body. This might sound extreme, but saying: “I’d rather die than break my sitting”, is the degree of determination I am talking about.

Once you have decided it does not really become easier. Yet it becomes a lot clearer as to what the right decision is and what is not. It becomes a lot simpler. An inner relaxation takes place because the mind has a clear direction. Clarity gives orientation. Something to hold onto. What a beautiful thing this strong determination can be if used peacefully and responsibly. What a beautiful thing to use it with wisdom and with love.

Go ahead and experiment with the different levels of determination you can have in your own life. Make a promise to yourself today and keep it. Say to yourself: “I am going to do this today, come what may. I am 100% committed. Not 80%, not 99% but 100%. This is not an option, this is a must.” Make yourself a promise today and keep it. There is nothing like that feeling. Have an amazing day!

Simple Self-Acceptance


Sometimes we do not like certain things about ourselves. We judge. We say un-loving words and sentences out loud or in our head and then start feeling bad about ourselves. The problem with this behavior runs deeper than the apparent rejection of a single action or trait. The problem is the act of rejection itself. NO MATTER HOW SMALL OR FOR WHAT (yes caps is necessary). When we reject ourselves we create a cage for ourselves. We put up an invisible wall. We are locking away part of us and through that process we are impeding the natural flow of life. A natural process where events and emotions are coming and going. By judging we are resisting. The action or trait we criticize is solidified – we actually strengthen it by rejecting it, by putting energy and focus into it.

I suggest that instead we begin to find unique ways to accept what happened and move on, let it dissolve and allow for learning to happen. Effortlessly. When we watch our behaviour and start noticing certain things from a place of observation and acceptance the results can be amazing.

There is another dimension to it: it never feels good when we are rejecting or criticizing ourselves. It hampers our ability to feel good as we are and as the next step: to go out into the world and give what we have to offer. If we are constantly busy criticizing ourselves we have no resources to allocate to doing something loving and useful for others. On the other hand when we are loving with ourselves we can let this love extend out to others. Doing good becomes natural and an extention of who we are. If you put color into a bowl of water then it will take on that color. The bowl is the world and the color is us. Let us appreciate the beauty of that color and keep it strong. How we feel about ourselves affects SO many people, we can not even imagine. This is our responsibility.

What can we do?
As I stated in the beginning it is small things that affect the way we feel about ourselves. Tiny steps! Realizing moments of where self-acceptance is lacking and then giving it graciously, receiving it gracefully:

  • Find a phrase you like and then start using it day in day out. Use it often.
    “Yes, I have made a mistake. I still love you.”
    “Yeah, you have this or that flaw… and that’s just fine.”
    Acknowledge what has happened and then express acceptance towards yourself regardless.
  • Hug yourself if you want – anything to express that self-love to yourself. Expressing it physically is powerful. Another thing I like doing is touching my chest where my heart is and just making a few small circles with the palm of my hand. Small expressions of love are powerful.
  • Start writing a success-diary – Get a little notebook and every evening, write down 5 things you did well that day. Write in sentences or just list the tasks and accomplishments you feel good about. This is a great little habit. Just five things you did good or that you managed to do that day. Even if it is a small thing you can feel good about it. Keep focusing on the positive.
  • Right now. Write down 10 things you love about yourself or things you have accomplished in your life so far that you are proud of. Get a piece of paper and do it. Paper is stronger than digital. It only takes a few minutes and it really helps. Then evaluate how difficult it was for you to do that exercise – Did you get 10? Was it hard? If so it might be important to repeat this exercise some time later to keep putting your focus on the positive.

Okay..Once you give yourself some love: can you actually allow it? How does it feel to receive self-acceptance or self-love from yourself? Really feel deeply inside and ask yourself: “Can I allow that self-love? What would happen if I accepted myself completely, as I am right now?” Imagine how your life would be in a year from now if you loved yourself more. 
Give yourself as much love as you think you deserve in any moment – plus a little extra. Keep increasing the dose constantly. The more accepting and loving you grow of yourself – no matter what you do or what happens, no matter how other people treat you – the happier you will become. You will also notice yourself becoming increasingly loving and accepting of others. Have a beautiful day full of little opportunities for loving yourself!

Audio Recording Of This Article

Why women are amazing


Women indeed are amazing. I can not imagine my life without women. For this article I want to focus on those women in our life that we love in a very special way – as our romantic partners. Those women that we have expressed our interest in, shown our affection to, that we have touched and that have touched us. Intellectually, emotionally, sexually and if both of us are lucky – all of those combined.

Why are women amazing? There are so many reasons. Let me talk about one. There is a saying: „Don’t listen to what a woman is saying, listen to what she is doing.“ At first glance this might sound belittling. In my opinion though it is an invitation to look deeper. To look at what our (sexual) opposite really needs and wants from us. To the wisdom they are sharing with us. To look at how our actions REALLY impact them. Actions run deeper than words.

I am convinced that what women really need from us as men is exactly that which is best for us to give. If a woman needs you to be free from attachment, to be loving yet not overbearing or oppressive with your love, to be giving and not taking, to be strong and firm in your direction, to stay true to your word – this is in your best interest. It might not be easy. It might actually be insanely challenging and demanding. It might be the most difficult thing for you to do in that moment. Yet also the right thing, the best thing, the choice most full of self-love. This feedback is an extremely valuable service women offer to us men, if we are wise and humble enough to listen. The most insane thing is that they are doing this for free! Being an honest mirror of the reality inside of us at each moment of contact with them. Every second anew.

That’s also why in my opinion you don’t „just have“ a relationship. A relationship is attraction and connection happening in an instant. Then again, and again. A fulfilling relationship then is a stringing together of moments of attraction, trust, love and connection. This can only happen if both partners are dynamic and open to what each moment brings.  A special moment is – as the name suggests „special“. It happnens for a very specific reason – out of the moment. It cannot be routine or scripted. It cannot be created or manufactured. It is an honest expression of what is and thus “it happens”. Like when you see a beautiful rainbow in the sky.

In my life I was very fortunate for having met women who knew what they wanted. Even the rare woman who could not only feel what she wants deep inside but who could also communicate it lucidly, in a way that I was able to make sense of as a man. Yet I was also fortunate for having met women who didn not know what they wanted. Who were lost and who looked to me to tell them what they needed or deserved. I was fortunate for realizing that I could not tell them, that I can never do that. Not for anyone other than myself. Learning that everyone has to find out for him or herself what it is they need to feel and experience – every moment anew.

I’m talking about what women need from us at a deeper level. About what we have to give that also comes from a deeper level within us. Something that is alive inside of us no matter who we think we are or how we are feeling about ourselves at the present. A quality that we just have to awaken and bring to light. Women can help us do this – if we listen with an open heart and allow them to guide us. If we listen with that deeper part of ourselves to that deeper part within them. If we, instead of judging their reactions to us, learn to love their expression and movement. If we really listen to what they are telling us with a warm heart and a calm mind. Listen to their actions and emotions.

If you are a man I invite you to reflect on about what you think women really need from you. Which is basically the same you need from yourself as a man. If you are a woman I invite you to think about what you really need from a man. From a man who deserves that you open up to him. I invite you to be honest and gentle with yourself. Many beautiful things can show up if we are kind to ourselves and others. If we listen with love and acceptance. Have an amazing day.

Audio Recording Of This Article

The Magic Of Making Your Bed

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I am not your mother. I could never be. It is physically impossible for me because I am a man. Still for the sake of this article allow me to pretend like I was and suggest to you that you make your bed. But I will not just say that so your room looks tidy. I will give you proper and tangible reasons. Reasons that will shock you, astonish you and make you feel eager every day to make your bed as soon as you get up in the morning. You will be jumping out of bed only to make it!

  • Reason 1: Making your bed in the morning is a little success – a single doable task – and you did it! When I’ve made my bed in the morning I pat myself on the shoulder and smile: “well done!”. Maybe ridiculous but it cheers me up and motivates me! This feeling of success carries over into your day. One little success leading to another and before you know it your whole day will have felt like a big sucess. This. Changes. Your. Neurochemistry.
  • Reason 2: Habits give you familiarity. Stability. If you are having an intense or rough morning (maybe something has happened the day before or the day ahead is going to be very challenging) – this routine will give you something to hold onto. Stability. Peace of mind. A predictable little part of your morning. A ritual.
  • Reason 3: Doing this communicates to your subconscious:”Order is importan to me. Order is good.” This can help you become and be more structured and organized in other areas of your life as well. It seems simple but do not underestimate this habits’ power!
  • Reason 4: This is like dry-humping. It’s a harmless exercise for the real thing. Learning this habit you can experience yourself in the process of learning a new habit. You are learning how to adopt a new habit by adopting  a really simple behaviour. Plus when adopting the next positive habit you will think: “I can do that. Remember how I successfully trained myself to make my bed? *glances at made bed*”. Notice how good building a new habit feels and how easy it can be. Amazing, isen’t it?
  • Reason 5: The feeling you get when you go to bed in the evening – to a made bed! You can’t help but feel like a VIP.
  • Reason 6: Making your bed daily because you believe in the aforementioned reasons helps you build a success identity. One easy step that makes you feel more successful every day. You begin thinking about yourself as a person who optimizes, who is constantly improving and learning. As a consequence you are more likely to do other things that are in alignment with this identity – it becomes easier and easier for you to succeed. It reshapes how you view yourself. Research has shown that behaviour is always in alignment with and heavily influenced by identity (who we think we are). This reminds me of a quote by the Buddha: “Drop by drop is the water pot filled. Likewise, the wise man, gathering it little by little, fills himself with good.”

I started consistently making my bed on my own when I was on my first Vipassana course in October 2015. Since then I have barely missed a day. I do it everywhere: I do it when I sleep at a friend’s place, when I sleep at my girlfriend’s place – even when I sleep at hotels. It just feels amazing to start my day like this. I love it. Give it a go and let me know!

The Power Of Silence

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Words are amazing. They are very useful for expressing ourselves, describing the world and connecting with others. The right words at the right moment can be magical. Words like: “I love you”, “I’m sorry”, “Thank you”… Talking at the wrong time though can be distracting, exhausting and completely unnecessary. We need to remember that words are not actual experience. They are merely a tool for describing reality. Words have the ability to distract us from actually experiencing live for ourself, from what is unfolding right before us. Using words at the wrong time can destroy a magical moment. Because when we focus on words we are not really with what is happening. Our attention is diverted and we are more in our head than in the world. Remember that there is a difference between the word tree and an actual tree. It is a subtle distinction, but ever so important to understand. If you talk about a tree, think about it, imagine it…it does not ever come close to the experience of actually touching a tree, smelling a tree, listening to the tree moving and shaking in the wind. Leaning against a tree, feeling it support you. One is a thought – the other a real, tangible experience. One is theory, the other reality.

Often incessant talking is a strategy to avoid the present. To avoid a moment’s intensity and beauty, depth or unpredictability, uncertainty. We are afraid to live fully, to feel intensely, to be vulnerable and open like a child. To be touched. We are hesitant to trust in life.

With silence we can dive into the depths of a moment. Especially when it is hard for us to do, when a million things are racing through our head. It is in these precious moments that it is best to be silent and to return to witnessing ourself and our surroundings. When we feel an unhealthy need to prepare for the future, to analyze the past then we are invited to realize the perfection and simplicity of what is. Without having to change anything about it. When we just breathe and let it go we can relax. We can open our eyes, ears and heart. We can look with soft eyes, listen effortlessly with relaxed  ears and sense expansively with a wide and open heart. Especially in moments where we feel a strong need to talk it is best to refrain from it, best to listen to the sounds of life, listen to our emotions, listen to nature or to the person right in front of us. Listen to that person who we would like to flood with words. We search and we find… silence.

How beautiful: a moment with yourself, with nature, with a truly loveable person. Not thinking or planning or acting. How beautiful. A moment together with someone you trust. Just looking, smiling, being together. How beautiful… a moment together with your lover: looking deeply into each other’s eyes, touching, holding, kissing, witnessing each other. Appreciating in silence. As we explore this dimension of silence in our life we grow increasingly rich inside. Very peaceful and pleasant feelings can arise from within and take us deeper into the present. We pause and inhale. Then we exhale and it is all the same. Harmony.

Priorities

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Have priorities. What are your priorities? What is your top priority right now? This very moment! Why is it your top priority? Why are you reading this? Does this have priority right now? If not go ahead and do whatever has priority right now and come back later.

>Seriously<

Clear priorities focus our energy. Without a priority and a strong decision to stick to that priority we can have all the energy and enthusiasm imaginable but our impact in the world  will be dilluted, fractionated and weak. Like a blunt spear – not able to penetrate to the core of the issue we are facing. We will be blown around like a leaf in the wind, without control. While sometimes this can be a fun experience there is a time and a place for everything. I here and now invite you to explore and deepen this quality of your focus and clarity in your life – of prioritizing with the right reasons in mind and heart…and then sticking to it. Even if it may at times be uncomfortable for others or for yourself. Being comfortable with being uncomfortable is the price we have to pay for success and at the same time its reward.

Practical tips:

  • When you set aside focus time to work on a certain task or project – allow not for distractions. Tell people very clearly. Then make it hard for them to interrupt you. Turn off your phone. Turn off Wi-Fi. Put up a boundary. Even for people close to you. A time where you are not available for other projects, conversation or banter. If somebody tries to interrupt you – do not allow it. Return your focus to your activity immediately. Make a strong decision. You will notice an increase in your focus and concentration, higher levels of productivity and then, afterwards, a higher quality of time spent with those close to you.
  • Write (on a piece of paper) WHY you want something. This will help you prioritize. Keep asking: Why do I want this? What does this really give me?
  • If you are not following your own schedule then you are probably following somebody else’s – without even being aware of it. Create your own schedule and take time to think about what is really important to you in your life. Then prioritize your activities accordingly.
  • Determine one “most important thing” every day. Get it done. Observe your experience while doing this. What an amazing little exercise!
  • Make self-development and investing in yourself a priority. Other people might not take it or this aspect of you seriously. They will – once you do…and once you communicate it clearly. Invest quality time in yourself while feeling good about it. It’s your decision.

What is your #1 priority for today? If you are really really honest with yourself. With that in mind – have an amazing day!

Take the first step NOW (Decisions)

step.jpgRecently I thought about how more than a month ago I had been to an Anthony Robbins seminar where on one day his co-speaker told us that Tony has a great saying: “Never leave the place of a decision without taking action first.” Think about it. I find it to be amazing.
Immediately taking action…

  • communicates to your subconscious that you’re serious
  • builds momentum
  • feels great – it’s an instant success
  • is a first step towards your goal
  • in the case of changing habits and behaviours -> uses the new neuronal pathway of the habit/behaviour you want to adopt
  • makes it easier to take the second step!

Today I was quicky making my way to get to an event. I had bought some food on the way and was eating while I was walking.. Recently, I noticed, I had not been properly taking time to eat for a few times. I mean I do eat pretty high quality and healthy food, in my opinion – but often I would not take enough time to have a break, relax, and really take time to eat. I am aware that this is important. So while I was walking and while I was eating I was also thinking about how the way I was eating – even at that very moment, was becoming a negative pattern in my life. I could feel in my body that he wasn’t appreciating this. Very clearly I could feel that. A body signal. So I made a decision. “I will take time to eat and relax and take proper care of my body!”

I was still walking and eating. I felt a discrepancy.
Okay! I decided to implement immediately. I looked for a nice spot – next to the sidewalk. Between two bushes. A ray of sunlight illuminated that spot. I arrived. I stood. Felt my legs touching the ground. I took a deep breath. Felt my body. Smiled. Then I enjoyed what was left of my food with tranquilty. Savoring the food. Amazing…
Then I rewarded myself and celebrated!

Next time you make a decision – implement immediately. No matter how small the step you are taking – it is a step in the direction you are heading and it is ever so significant and important. Have an amazing day!

Listen Inside

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Many times we do things that are expected of us. Sometimes our cooperation or contribution is really important for the functioning of a system or because others depend upon or rely on us. Even though we might prefer to do something else at that moment.
The problem arises if we don’t acknowledge this fact. If we don’t notice “Oh, actually I’d like to do this other thing. Yet I now choose to do this because I want to meet my responsibilities or because this is really important for somebody else… or because it’s simply ‘the right thing to do’, judging by my intuition”.

If we don’t do this and just keep acting like we don’t have another preference. If we don’t “listen inside” and ignore that voice which tells us what we are really feeling in that moment – we harm ourself. We don’t listen to that voice inside telling us about our feelings and needs. We ignore it. We practice violence against ourself. As we ignore that voice it gets a little quieter. The more and the longer we do this – the quieter this voice inside of us gets. Until there comes a point where we ourself can’t even hear it anymore. We might be faced with a situation or a choice – we try to listen inside – nothing. It’s because we have trained ourself to get numb. We learned to ignore a part of our experience and feelings.

How do we come out of this pattern?

First we can get aware of what is happening inside of us. We try to notice what we are feeling – or we observe that we aren’t feeling anything at all. And that’s okay. Then we gradually try to give that voice more and more importance. We start taking it serious. At first – there might be a decision. We might be unsure. But we just act and shoot in the direction of our gut instinct. People around us might not like it, our actions might even seem a little bit out of proportion or unreasonable – but we remember: This is a learning experience. Our goal is not to make a perfect decision- it’s just to give that little voice inside more room to be and to allow that energy inside to flow freely. It is an act of allowing.
If our environment seems like it’s trying to reduce this space we might need to protect this ever so precious room we are creating for ourselves and for our deeper feelings and needs, thoughts and impulses.

We can even tell those people in our life: “Hey. I’m trying to learn more about myself. Some of my actions and decisions might seem weird to you. Please be kind – as I am kind to myself by doing this.” We can be creative, to find spaces where we can do what is important to us.

Let me give you an example:
A really big need of mine is to have private time – where nobody is talking with me and I don’t have to react or respond to anything. In the past I have felt a little weird for having such a strong need for privacy. But I try to listen inside a lot – while trying to be aware of how my decisions make people areound me feel. So last week was busy overall and I was having an especially busy day. I was driving with a friend in his car – we had been shopping for an event we were helping to organize. The volume and complexity of the tasks and necessary coordination was really taxing and I wasn’t feeling very relaxed.
I felt like I needed a few moments to do some deep breathing and relax. I felt tense. Then I felt like: “Wow this is going to be weird. I’m rejecting my friend if I just don’t talk to him.” But I was like: “Okay, lets try it. It’s gonna be fine!” I told him that I’m gonna do some deep breathing to relax. He was like: “Okay! No problem.” So I did some really satisfying and rejuvenating deep breathing in the midst of this crazy day. It felt absolutely amazing. Having five minutes of quality relaxation time. When I was finished we resumed talking and the whole atmosphere had relaxed – within me and also in the car. Very beautiful. Another thing beside deep breathing I do every day is dancing to at least one song and especially: dancing in front of the mirror while making funny faces to myself. I just love doing this and it lights me up. I proactively make time to integrate this into my day. It pays off.

  • How does being kind to yourself by listening to yourself feel like? Theoretically?
  • Where in your life could you listen inside more and more in the coming days and weeks?
  • Where in your life do you want to let yourself be heard more- first by yourself and then by others?
  • What’s one thing that by proactively making time and room for it every day you know you could make your day and your life more beautiful, peaceful, light, joyful, focused and amazing?

Give it a go and let me know. Or even better yet: RPM it! Have an amazing day.