Growing up I had a terrible sense of Self-Love. I was a complete perfectionist, always beating myself up and never happy with the results I produced. This led to me feeling frustrated most of the time and not following through with projects because „I could never get it right“. I was afraid of not being good enough. Other people unconsciously picked this up and they too did not treat me as well as I would have liked. Not fun. If you are treating yourself poorly that is an invitation for other people to treat you poorly as well. Why should anybody respect you if you do not respect and love yourself?
Let’s imagine a different situation:
You love yourself. You have challenging but realistic expectations for yourself and you fulfill them most of the time. You respect yourself. You accept yourself. Suddenly someone treats you poorly. What do you do? Firstly you are not really that affected. Because you have your own love and respect. Secondly: you do not tolerate it. If you do not tolerate you yourself treating yourself poorly, why should you let anybody do that. Once you know how good it feels to treat yourself good and love yourself there simply is no way you are going for either treating yourself poorly or accepting other people’s bad treatment. It’s a no-brainer, once you have experienced on a regular basis how good it feels to be treating yourself amazing you just want to keep doing it. Nobody should be able to treat you as well as yourself. If you find someone who treats you better than yourself then you’re doing something wrong.
So here are some simple and actionable tips for developing your sense of Self-Love, Self-Respect and Self Acceptance.
- Reward yourself regularily for little and big successes. Good job! Well done!
- Forgive yourself for failures. Really learn to fully forgive yourself. The price you have to pay for not forgiving yourself is simply too high. Forgive. It. Feels. Good.
- Learn from your failures (also called learning experiences). Develop a constructive mindset.
- Find more and more things you love about yourself. Make a liste every day. Think about 3 things you love about yourself right now.
- Do something good for yourself every day. Find out what feels amazing to you and do more of that. Eat something healthy, really enjoy a shower, go for a walk, meet with friends, say something nice to yourself. Feel how good it feels.
- Value your opinion about yourself over other people’s opinion of you. Not easy? Practice. You are the #1 authority on your life. You write the script. Everybody else is just an actor in your movie.
- Have clear rules for when you have succeeded. By YOUR definition, not by other people’s. If you say something is a success – it is. Period. Even if your boss or your friends say otherweise. Your reality. Once this is firmly established you can gently open to feedback and start learning. From a strong stance and with you valuing your opinion over other people’s.
- Make it easy for yourself to succeed. Set attainable and clearly defined goals so you know when you have succeeded. Create many little opportunities to succeed, like making your bed in the morning as you get up. Little successes create momentum.
Trying even only of of the above will help you to be on the way to developing more Self-Love, Self-Respect and Self-Acceptance every day. Enjoy the increase in your quality of life. Yes!
Good job reading this and hopefully now thinking about implementing some of it. Investing time and energy in constructive and practical self-development is a great habit to cultivate. As is consciously practicing Self-Love. Have an outstanding day because you deserve it!